Photo: Lyn Hughes Photography
We kicked off our first red carpet event of the year at the YMA Fashion Scholarship Fund’s 80^th Annual Geoffrey Beene National Scholarship Awards Dinner. The event took place at the Grand Hyatt hotel, where guests celebrated the 2017 Fashion Scholarship Fund class, and nearly $1.5 million in scholarships were awarded throughout the evening.

Photo:Lyn Hughes Photography
This is one of the many functions held to honor, encourage, and facilitate young talent in the fashion industry.  Former NFL player, current Good Morning America host, and fashion entrepreneur Michael Strahan was among three honorees who were recognized for their contributions to the industry.  I would’ve loved to have gotten his thoughts on some things, but his team was adamant that he was only allowed to speak with pre-approved media outlets.  In spite of the very obvious fame of this site (I say that with heavy sarcasm and a hopeful heart) we were not allowed to speak with Mr. Strahan, but he looked nice (Stevie J. voice).

We were, however, able to speak with Geoffrey Beene’s newly appointed Brand Ambassador, Kellan Lutz.  Many of you very kindly commented on how nice I looked, but were clearly very overwhelmed by how fine the Twilight actor is, and understandably so.  I cannot emphasize enough how kind and personable he was.  As obvious Twilight fans crowded the designated press spot on the red carpet snapping photos and videos, he made sure to give every writer/reporter ample time and attention.

Lutz spoke very highly of his former cast members, and after reporters were instructed to stick to questions about the event, he went on to say how important charity is today, and why he jumped at the opportunity to represent Geoffrey Beene, adding that cancer has so strongly affected his life after losing an uncle and a grandmother to the disease. Working with a company that gives so much to helping those in need was the catalyst.

What is your favorite fashion moment thus far in your career?

KL: I would have to say being friends with Roberto Cavalli and having him design my suit for Breaking Dawn, the second part of Breaking Dawn.  Roberto Cavalli, he’s so legendary, and having me as a guest on his boat for like a week, that goes down in my memory book for life.

What role has fashion or style played in your career?

KL: You know I never finished college, and I always had an interest in fashion.  I started my clothing line about five years ago, and it’s just been such an epic learning environment to be a part of.  Especially with the different fashion weeks.  It’s just the best education.

Do you feel like people have taken you under their wing?

KL: I really do.  I’ve had very good mentors.  Roberto Cavalli, Joseph Abboud, those are like the main ones.  Then some people in the press as well, and like PR firms.  I’ve definitely had great people in my corner.  You know as my life continues and with my clothing line, you know if I want to start another one in a different kind of environment, I would have people to go to.  So it’s really been, I’m really lucky.  I’m really blessed.

Dude, I am trying to have friends like Roberto Cavalli.  I want to hang out on a yacht, and learn more fashion.  Where does one sign up?

Can I just tell you how excited I am about today?  It’s the Friday before a Holiday weekend, so we leave work early, AND it’s payday (which really just means that a bunch of white people are about to get my money because bills are a thing).  So let’s jump right in and discuss this week’s best looks.

Today was such a good day.  Emphasis on was.  Ever since the election I’ve been caught in a space between being highly motivated to take responsibility for my life and contribute something good to this world, and crippling fear over what our soon to be President is going to do to this country.  Today, I was on the good side of that.  I was on the side that my forever President Barack Obama encouraged me to be on per his farewell address.  After watching Being Mary Jane, I thanked God for opening my eyes to the fact that it is always a good idea to work on yourself before you commit to someone else.  I even wrote a little about it:

“If you subscribe to the beliefs and teachings of any higher power, then at some point in your life you have hopefully endured some experience that showed you the principle of perfect timing.  We call it God’s perfect timing, or His perfect plan for our life.  This guiding principle gives us peace in knowing that everything we need is ours according to His perfect timing.  With that being said, is it so illogical to believe that if I am not in a relationship right now that maybe I don’t actually need that right now?”

As I was typing this, I casually asked a co-worker how she was doing.  I could tell from her posture that she was really going to tell me the truth.

“You know at the end of 2016 I told myself 2017 is going to be about me.  It’s not gonna be about my kids or my husband, it’s gonna be about me, and that just didn’t happen.  I’m telling you Jessica, value this time now.  Be present in it, because you’ll never get this time back.”

Feeling even more assured that I am on the right path, I typed this out with such vigor, conviction, and pride.  Sometimes we need a reminder that time to ourselves is a valuable commodity that every woman doesn’t have.  The love and companionship of another person always seems to be at the forefront of our desires, but I decided a while ago to put myself at the forefront of my desires.  I have this time to myself for a purpose.  The phase after this is a husband and possibly children, and we all know that one must be selfless in the role of wife and mother.  I tell myself all the time I can’t be more eager to commit to someone else than I am to commit to myself.  With this burst of energy and certainty, I responded to emails about upcoming events, execution of plans for my brand, and I felt so good adding things to my calendar.  And then I really looked at the calendar.  I mean I really looked.  I looked forward, and I realized that Valentine’s Day is coming up, and that I have to be okay being alone on that day too, and my whole day went to shit.

I don’t care what anybody says, it sucks to be alone on Valentine’s Day.  You can be as happy and content in your single life as you want to be, but when Valentine’s Day comes, and everyone around you is getting shit and feeling loved and shit, it sucks.  I can’t even solidify plans to have a girl’s night out, because my friends aren’t reliable when it comes to that kind of thing.  So I started thinking what can I do by myself that won’t also make me feel lonely?  I googled and came up with zero good ideas.  I mulled this over in my mind a hundred times.  What do I really want to do?  What would I want to do if I had a guy?  And then I realized that it is a whole ass month away.  I climbed down off the ledge in my mind, and said relax bitch, it’s a whole ass month away.  Let’s worry about it when it comes.  I will check in with you in a month to let you know if I dipped into my 401k to pay a matchmaker.  Standby.

Last night’s 2017 Golden Globes awards were amazing, because two of my faves were deservedly honored. Atlanta won for Best Television Series Musical or Comedy, and Donald Glover (the show’s creator) won Best Performance By An An Actor in a Television Series Musical or Comedy. Not bad for the show’s first season. Moonlight won Best Motion Picture Drama and I cannot begin to tell you how happy this made me. Neither Atlanta nor Moonlight exploited black pain, or black violence, or black sexuality, yet they still managed to tackle some very tough issues that we as black people prefer to sweep under the rug. This proves that it is possible to create black art without exploiting the black experience. Who knew?

The first highlight of the evening was Donald Glover thanking Migos, who made a cameo on Atlanta. He didn’t thank them for appearing on the show, or for the award, but for making the song “Bad and Boujee,” which, let’s be honest deserved to be acknowledged.

The second highlight of the evening was Meryl Streep for doing what I hope to see everyone do for the next four years, shade the hell out of President-Elect Trump. Additionally, I love her for calling journalists to task in an era where journalism seems to be losing its integrity. Viola Davis’ speech honoring Meryl Streep’s work was such an emotional experience. I was on the edge of my seat wondering if she was going to read her, or honor her, and she did a bit of both while also being very much the successful auntie we all imagine her to be. Question though: are you guys out here putting barbecue sauce in your collard greens? If so, why?

Now to the fun part. The red carpet. Let’s jump right in.

One of my many duties as the resident fashion girl in the life of my friends is to advise my guy friends on gifts for their boo’s.  This past Christmas my dear friend picked out an amazing pair of booties for his girlfriend that were pre-season (AKA hella expensive).  He wanted to get her a bag as well, but since he spent so much on the shoes, he didn’t think he could find one worth having for under a stack (that’s $1,000 for the aunties out there).  That’s where I come in.  When you think of good handbags your mind automatically goes to the designers whose brands are synonymous with leather goods (or the ones you’ve heard a hundred times in various rap songs): Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Céline, Prada, Fendi etc.  God knows you girls love your Neverfull’s but there’s so much more to handbags than the names you hear most often.

Don’t get me wrong, I think some of those bags are great aspirational pieces, but you don’t have to go out and spend your whole tax refund check to have a nice handbag.  Let’s be real.  My most sincere hope is that you guys will use those refunds wisely, but also treat yourself to a little something.  Let’s review a few designers that have great options for under $1,000.

Fashion Friday 1.6.17

A video posted by Gabrielle Union-Wade (@gabunion) on Jan 5, 2017 at 6:11pm PST

Let’s take a moment for the brown goodness that is Gabrielle Union in Thakoon headed to the premier of the new movie Sleepless.

I can’t remember what year it was, but at some point in middle school I got my period for the first time. It was so dramatic for no good reason. My mom, my brother, and I were at dinner at this restaurant that I refuse to eat at even now. I went to the bathroom, saw that it had happened, and scurried back to the table to whisper it to my mom. First of all she asked how I knew. I was so annoyed like, “What do you mean? You signed off of on the sex ed papers like three years ago, I know what the hell is happening here!” That coupled with my brother’s snickering because he figured out what was happening added to my embarrassment. To make matters worse, my mom called damn near every woman in our family to tell them the good news (this is not newsworthy). After she made her obligatory phone calls, we took the longest drive to Wal-Mart ever.  Why?  Because, this is when my mom decided to have “the talk” with me.

“You are now able to become a mother. I am not the vagina police, so I am not going to tell you what to do with yours. But know this, anything a boy tells you, he will go down the street and tell another girl the same thing. Anything you ever do in this life, you need to be able to proudly look at yourself in the mirror the next day, and be okay with your decision. If you feel the need to have sex, call your sister,” she said while driving to the farthest Wal-Mart possible upon my request.

“Why can’t I just talk to you?” I asked innocently enough. Isn’t this the kind of things mothers and daughters discuss based on every sitcom I’ve ever seen?

“I would advise you not to,” she said matter-of-factly. You know that voice moms use when you know that’s the end of the conversation? That one.

That was the first and last conversation I ever had with my mother about my sex life. In her defense, I don’t ever remember not knowing what sex was, or where babies come from. No one ever sheltered us from that kind of info. If we asked a question, the adults in our lives told us straight up. Although, I don’t ever recall asking anyone that cliche question either. So the part of that conversation that freaked me out was looking in the mirror, and being proud of what you see.  I was such an independent kid that I felt I had been responsible my whole (short) life, but now I am responsible for making sure I don’t create another life.  That part was easy.  There are more ways not to get pregnant, than there are ways to get pregnant.  So I never worried about that.  What gave me anxiety was that I needed to like myself.  I needed to be proud of myself.  I had to trust my own decision making.  But there was never a talk about that.  No one ever told me the importance of loving myself, or trusting myself because they all assumed I did.  That’s the danger of being an extrovert.  People always assume you have a bottomless pit of confidence to be so outspoken and outgoing, but that just wasn’t the case for me.

The reason I have such deep admiration for Diane von Furstenberg is because she so accurately summed up how I’ve always felt about my life in saying, “I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.” I always knew who I wanted to be. I just didn’t know to give myself the time, space, and patience to grow into her.  But, this year I did. I made a point to be nicer to myself, to be patient with myself, and more than anything I learned to trust myself.

Last story (for now) I promise.  My Manager/sister/friend and I were in the midst of one of the many meetings we had before relaunching this site.  She started asking me an array of questions that I knew I should have the answer to, but I was afraid I would choose the wrong thing.  I got insanely overwhelmed and started to doubt whether I should do any of this at all.  “Okay let’s stop here.  If you are going to go through this meeting with a defeated attitude, then let’s regroup another day.  You know what you’re doing, and you have to trust yourself.  I am not going to make these decisions for you,” she said, and she gathered her things and left.  Initially I was like well damn!

But, she was right.  How can I undertake such an immense project with no sense of confidence in my own decisions?  It’s my brand, and my site, so I have to make these choices.  I had a major come to Jesus moment, and look where we are.  The site is doing so much better than I could’ve ever hoped for, and I’m so looking forward to what we have lined up for the coming year.

The lesson to trust myself did not come easily, in fact I’m still working at it.  For example, it is very sobering to learn that a guy you have been dating for three months has a mixtape (and a trash one at that). Y’all I found YouTube videos of this clown rapping, and I just felt awful. Epic effin failure. The lesson of trusting myself came from failure, and from recovering from those failures stronger and wiser. When you allow yourself to see the other side of failure, you become less afraid, and much more empowered to just live. Whatever your goals are for the next year, be patient with yourself. You don’t know everything, and you cant expect yourself to. It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to start. Be nice to yourself. If you fail, it’s okay. You’ll grow stronger in your recovery, and this is usually where you see God show up the most. And trust yourself. Your path is your path. If you listen too much to other people’s advice, they will talk you right off of your path. Seek wise council, but trust yourself.  This is where confidence grows.  This is where you grow.

 

 

I have this friend named Meredith.  We were once co-workers who are now great friends.  She lives two streets over from me in a gorgeous co-op building, and is one of my favorite people in the world.  This is greatly due to the fact that she knows everything about everything, and I always leave our conversations a little more enlightened than I was before. Hence, I look forward to our weekly or bi-weekly chats over overpriced smoothies or coffee in our hipster Brooklyn neighborhood.  (Seriously though, why are we paying that much for blended vegetables and fruit topped with bee pollen?)  A few weeks ago we were sitting in our favorite cafe, which is often heavily populated by families whose children have too much authority.  This cafe alone has made me reconsider motherhood.  Those children are little terrorists as far as I’m concerned.  At any rate, we still managed to get our catch up session in over the screams of a child who clearly did not want a gluten free cookie.

“I just don’t subscribe to the toxicity of positivity that we live in these days,” she said.

“Elaborate,” I said inquisitively.

“This constant need everyone has to be so positive about everything all the time is just toxic.  Bad feelings serve a purpose too.”

My name is Jessica, I am 29 years old, and I did not own lingerie or actual pajamas.  A few weeks ago a friend told me with extreme judgement and a dash of disappointment that this makes me weird.  Before you join said friend in judgment, hear me out.  I don’t know if you’ve gathered as much from my site, but I don’t get enough action to have need of lingerie.  My phone gets less play than a Tyga album, so who the hell am I wearing it for?!  Also, my bra size is rather uncommon, so even the most basic of bras cost a ridiculous amount of money.  So you see why I am not sold on the idea of buying bras for leisure, which would cost even more (we’re talking triple digits boo).  Lastly, what are all of my random t-shirts collected over the years for if not for me to lounge around and sleep in them?

So I asked some single female friends who also get little to no action what their lingerie collection is looking like, and they too judged me.  I also asked some friends who are married, or are soon to be married, and we all agreed a grown ass woman should have what I am calling a “private wardrobe.” As of late, I’ve been adding to this wardrobe, so let me give you some tips on how and where to start.

 

I find it so insanely frustrating that we figured out how to make a cruise ship that weighs 60,000 tons float on water, send a man to the moon, and Keke Palmer can still somehow make music, yet they can’t make a bra in my size that will enable me to wear backless tops and dresses. Where are our priorities American scientists?! For this reason I am always stuck trying to make outfits work without looking a like an adult film star because of my boobs. So stressful.