We are back with episode 2 of the Not Carrie Bradshaw Podcast.  This week we discuss the fatal flaw in Issa’s dating plans, dating in New York, and workplace decorum.  Leave us comments, and SUBSCRIBE on iTunes!

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Photo: Mackenzie Amanda
We spoke a while ago about improving your at-home wardrobe in a way that makes sense here. The principal of practicality also works for loungewear.  The reason we basically live in leggings, yoga pants, and sweatpants these days is because they’re comfy and convenient.  You can binge watch your latest obsession from the comfort of your bed, and then run a quick errand without having to put together an ensemble.  Sure you look like you’ve been on a week-long bender, but at least you’re comfy, right?  Wrong.

 

I find it so insanely frustrating that we figured out how to make a cruise ship that weighs 60,000 tons float on water, send a man to the moon, and Keke Palmer can still somehow make music, yet they can’t make a bra in my size that will enable me to wear backless tops and dresses. Where are our priorities American scientists?! For this reason I am always stuck trying to make outfits work without looking a like an adult film star because of my boobs. So stressful.

A few things I’m here for this week…

Bulletproof Coffee: Attending

There are quite a few things in this life that I enjoy, but don’t have discerning taste with them at all, namely: wine, coffee, and beer. I love those three things, but I am probably the most basic drinker of each of those. I will drink wine out of a box as long as it’s red. Coffee is one of the ways I know God loves me. It’s like doing cocaine without the negative effects, you know like death or whatever. I truly don’t know the difference between Folgers and Starbucks. I mean it’s just coffee, right? Wrong! My dear white feminist friend Meredith put me on game to French Buttered Coffee AKA Bulletproof Coffee. It has become one of the greatest discoveries of my life. Right up there with good edge control. It’s basically french pressed coffee blended with grassfed butter and MCT oil. The whole idea is that you drink it in lieu of breakfast, and it gives you mental clarity, energy, blah, blah, blah. The concept came from this guy named Dave Asprey who is a tech entrpreneur, author, and Silicon Valley investor. I had no idea who he was, or what the effects of this coffee were supposed to be, but I swear my mood was so elevated after drinking it. There has been no actual medical testing to say whether or not this is a healthy practice, and I wouldn’t drink it everyday, because it’s buttered coffee for the love of God. However, when I need an extra boost to get me through what I know will be a long or drianing day, I know where to turn.

My not namesake once said, “in New York, they say, you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend or an apartment.” Well what the hell happens when you realize you might have all three? You get scared that’s what. I feel afraid that at any moment either of those things can go away without any real cause.  And while I know that I can recover from damn near anything, going through the emotion of losing something (even if it’s for the best) is hard to endure.

I realize how lit my life is right now and my un-diagnosed anxiety is at an all time high, because I’m afraid I can’t handle all of these blessings. I know that sounds weird, because shouldn’t I just be happy? Shouldn’t I just be thankful and live in the moment that the things I have prayed for are coming into fruition? The scripture “pour me out a blessing that I shall not have room enough to receive,” is beyond accurate. There are things happening for me that I didn’t even know to ask God for. The guy in my life is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful and kind, and when you’re used to dealing with the opposite (phuckboys) it almost scares you for someone to be so consistently…consistent.  For example “The Boy” as we will call him for now takes out my trash every time he leaves my house. That’s not even a thing I ever thought about a guy doing for me, but he does it without me asking. Simple things like that to show me that he respects my space and how hard I work to maintain it just make me all blushy. Yet a small part of me is giving him the side eye, because I’m wondering when he’s gonna change. When is he gonna stop being this good to me? So I don’t want to get comfortable or accustom to having him in my life, because men people can lose interest just as quickly as they show it. Having had my heart broken a few times I know I’m not in a place where I can handle having the rug pulled from under me like that. My friend’s advice is: “don’t get too attached or emotionally involved yet.” And they say this as if it’s an easy thing to do. Question: how do you get to know someone and give them a fair shot without getting emotionally involved? Are you giving it a real chance if you’re that guarded?  I wonder if guys know the damage they do to girls when they are so horrible to them.  I wonder if they know or care how much they scar and wound with their lack of concern for your feelings.  I don’t want to be that person at all.  I hate being the girl with trust issues as it is so cliche.  It’s not okay to punish someone for the wrongdoing of others, yet you want so badly to save yourself from being hurt again.  It comes down to finding a balance somewhere in the middle which comes with practice, something I don’t have a lot of.  I am what you call a bad dater.  I don’t like anyone and I mean anyone.  I find a lot of guys to be draining, so when I find someone I actually like I focus solely on that person.  Sure I would love to diversify my portfolio, but I just don’t find many guys worth the initial investment of my time or energy.

I’m afraid that I’m not writing enough or writing well enough or often enough to feed this part of my career. That I’m not learning enough about fashion to become the expert I want to be. That I’m not well read enough to speak about the things that are actually important. I worry about my spending habits in relation to the major financial responsibilities I’ve signed up for in getting a one bedroom apartment, and that I can’t seem to get my eating habits under control. (I am very aware that these are first world problems by the way).

My new apartment is so great. The fact that I can pee with the door open is so liberating. You have no idea. I truly from the depths of my soul do not like peeing or stopping to get gas, because there is never an opportune time to do either of those things. You always have to get gas when you’re on the way somewhere, and you always have to pee when you’re asleep or in the middle of doing something. Just the fact that I can run in my house after having not gone to the bathroom and do so with the bathroom door open is just a real life blessing in my eyes. And then I think about how much I am paying for that simple luxury and I panic. My mind drifts and wonders what if I can’t handle this?  To whom much is given much is tested.  So I’m pretty sure I’m being tested and psyching myself up everyday to believe I can do this.  That I am equipped for this.  That this is what I’ve ‘trained’ for.  I am both terrified and excited about life at the same damn time.

I can tell you one thing I have realized.  There is no trick, potion, or easy method of getting what you want out of life.  The major key is just to do the work.  Why am I only just now understanding the brilliance behind ‘Just Do It?’  That’s really all it takes.  Just do the work and let God handle the rest.

Another day, another “opportunity” we have to defend our right to flourish as black women (insert heavy deep sigh here).  I woke up to a text from my beloved bestie inquiring about my thoughts on an Elle article about Black Girl Magic.  I had her send me the link on the way to the train so I could read what I knew would be yet another white woman asking why black women feel they’re so special (we are by the way).  Imagine my surprise and utter disappointment to discover that it was a black woman who penned the article titled: Here’s My Problem With Black Girl Magic.  Let me first say that all black women don’t have to have the same beliefs about everything, because we are not a monolith, but my goodness honey how do you find fault in this movement?  Do you understand the metaphor behind Black Girl Magic?  It means that we endure prejudice and racism, while simultaneously having to overcome the obstacles of misogyny, yet we still slay.  The magic you so coarsely disagree with is our ability to flourish in the face of adversity, the levels of which very few people in this country can understand, or even handle.  It takes a superhuman amount of grace, fidelity, confidence, intelligence, and willpower to thrive and exceed expectations in this world.  So yes, we are magical.

There are so many flaws in the logic of this viewpoint that I don’t know where to begin.  Firstly, I need you to understand that it is neither our strength nor our flaws that are the cause for the list of attacks you listed.  Look at Black Girl Magic written out.  Sweet girl you lost them at Black.  They don’t give a shit about you being a girl or your glow up capabilities.  Those who stand to oppress or harm us don’t care how smart, beautiful, tenacious, weak, strong, meek, or bold we are.  It is simply that we are black.  That is enough for them to feel justified in their stance.  It is our mere existence that stands to threaten their privilege, and they feel entitled to try to tear that down.  Your piece is truly the embodiment of the quote, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”  You seem to be afraid of the power you are unaware that you possess. Would you rather that we cower in fear and play the victim so as to appear more deserving of basic human rights?  It wouldn’t work. Our presence, because of the way we came to this country compared to where we are now, is the threat to their status quo.  That is to be celebrated.

Secondly, being magical (fictionally of course because we don’t know that magic exists which is why this is a very bizarre thing to even discuss) doesn’t make you subhuman, it makes you superhuman.  With that being said I would like for you to think about the superhero archetypes we have seen since we were children.  Everyone who possesses superpowers or has some super natural gift was flawed…horribly.  That’s the point of the cartoon, comic strip, movie, etc. To show that these people are still people, they just have a little something extra that makes them have to work a little bit harder to be accepted.  Sound familiar?  If they weren’t flawed, there would be no story.  So to say that we are flesh and bone and not sub human kind of doesn’t need to be said.  They know that, they just don’t care.  And that’s what should really scare the shit out of you.  Their inability to see us as human is a problem with them, not us.   Maybe it makes you feel safe to find fault in our actions so as to humanize the oppressors, because it is unfathomable that human beings can be so cruel towards other human beings, but that is the very harsh reality we live in.

Lastly, the strong  black woman is not just an ideal or a part of the character development in a Shonda Rhimes show.  That is real life.  That is watching your mother work 16 hour days to give you the same things she had growing up with both of her parents.  That is listening to your grandmother talk about how she cleaned houses and office buildings but always wearing proper hosiery and never unkempt, because you should take pride in your appearance.  Being a strong black woman is being pushed off of a train in the subway and having no one stand up for you so you stand up for yourself.  Or it’s having a very similar man verbally attack you and try to physically assault you and call you an animal while once again no one comes to save you so you save your damn self.  Our strength and independence came out of a need to survive,  and I will not have you or anyone else tell me that, that “archetype” is why white men feel they can tear us down.  Our resilience is our magic.  Own it.

 

Rihanna signed on to be the first black woman to represent famed fashion house Christian Dior, and today we saw the Secret Garden IV campaign in its entirety.  The short film features a couture clad Rihanna wandering through the opulent Palace of Versailles while snippets of her new song ‘Only If For A Night’ play in the background.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Rihanna is my hero when it comes to being a single girl with an insane work ethic.

Peep the short film shot by Steven Klein below.

Today was a great day for black women as Nicki Minaj and Beyonce released the visual for their song ‘Feeling Myself,’ and it is everything we hoped and prayed it would be.  The video features Nicki and Beyonce in what we can only hope was an actual bestie day at Coachella, and not just a fictional one.  We were all still living in the aftershock of Taylor Swift’s girl power video which debuted during the Billboard Music Awards last night.  Her video for ‘Bad Blood’ features a gang of cool white chicks (and Tiana Brown from Empire) in some kick ass futuristic fight scenes, and here come our faves with this monster of a hit video today.

Of course the highly anticipated video was offered exclusively on Tidal, and of course someone found a way around that and posted it elsewhere.  It was pretty unanimous on my timeline that this video is inspiring bestie goals everywhere and encouraging us all to get our lives together.  At any rate, here are some scenes from the visual that stopped the world along with style tips.

1. One piece swimsuits are the shiz.

2.    Athletic inspired gear is still popping, but it’s always a good idea to pair the look with feminine accents and a good beat.

There is a bit of controversy over this Givenchy jersey.  Some people reached and said this was shade towards Tyga because it says ‘Pervert’ with the number 17 (Kylie Jenner’s current age).  I find it hard to believe Nicki cares that much about that whole situation.  She really doesn’t have a dog in that fight.  Also, I doubt that Givenchy creative director Riccardo Tisci, who works closely with the Kardashian clan would do anything to damage that relationship.

3.  Mind your waistline

 

4. Great skin is the foundation for a daytime beat that slays.

 

5.  If you and your bestie wear the same size, you can totes swap pieces, but don’t make this a perpetual habit.

This, for some reason, was my favorite part of the video.

A video posted by Nicki Minaj (@nickiminaj) on May 18, 2015 at 2:34pm PDT

Last night the best of the best in fashion and entertainment came together to celebrate the opening of the latest exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Anna Wintour Costume Institute.  The new exhibit is called China: Through the Looking Glass and features high end designer fashions juxtaposed with the Chinese art that influenced their creation.  Hence, guests were expected to were the best chinoiserie in keeping with the theme.  Some of our faves showed up and fully committed to the theme of the evening and some just showed up.  The red carpet was lacking with actual Chinese designers, but that’s not surprising at all.

The Ones Who Committed and Killed It

These are the attendees who executed the theme in a fashionable way, and gave us what we came for: a red carpet moment.

Photo: Vogue

BEST DRESSED

Photo: Vogue

Photo: Vogue

Photo: Vogue

BEST DRESSED

Photo: Vogue

Photo: US Magazine

BEST DRESSED

Photo: Hollywood Reporter

Photo: Vogue

BEST DRESSED

Who Was Pretty

These are the attendees that looked great but the actual theme was vague if at all present in their look.

Photo: NY Daily News

NOTE: You guys need to chill with the whole “she’s a mom” narrative.  It’s old and invalid.  Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you forfeit your sexuality.  How do you think these babies get here?  Furthermore, she’s at a costume party so there’s leniency with what’s deemed appropriate.  You can’t see nipple, booty, or vagina so let’s relax people.

Photo: EOnline

Photo: US Magazine

NOTE: Are there definite similarities between Kim’s dress this year and Beyonce’s 2012 dress?  Yes.  However, I see the distinct difference in the images on the detailing.  You would be hard pressed to do anything original in fashion.  For everything you see that you love, if you look back far enough you’ll see that someone else has done it before.  Before Beyonce there was Cher, and before her there was someone else.  At the end of the day, Kim looked great and that’s all that matters.

Photo: US Magazine

Photo: US MagazinePhoto: US Weekly

Worst Dressed

Dwyane Wade made a little effort with his look but Gabrielle Union really let me down.  Save for this tiny fan purse, she left the theme out.  You have the money and the resources to put together something great yet you gave us a boring red carpet look.  Not only is it off theme, but it’s a real snooze.

 

 

Ah Brazil.  You’ve given us great asses, bikini waxes, weave textures, and amazingly sexy fashion this Sao Paulo Fashion Week.  Here are some of my favorite looks.

Beyond obsessed with these structured sandals from Animale.