I want Anastasia Beverly Hills to create pamphlets detailing their eyebrow products.  That way when I see people with over-plucked, thin eyebrows I can hand them one, and ask, “Have you heard the good news?”  I just want them to know there’s a much better life for them than the one they’re leading.

I’m just gonna say this: wigs are only permissible if they are un-clockable.  Please stop.

I never feel as out of place as I do at a fashion event.  Regardless of the host, I still feel completely out of place.

Never trust a social media post that begins with advice prefaced with the words “Ladies,” or “Fellas.”  This person is about to give you nonsensical advice based on antiquated ideas of the roles men and women are supposed to play in society.  They’re the same people who will tell you the only way to get wifed up is to stay home and cook.  Avoid those posts.

My thighs have always touched, right?  But they always got along, so it was fine.  These days it’s like Bad Girls Club down there.  My thighs apparently hate each other, and are fighting to the death, because the friction Lord, Jesus.

I am not okay with the way Insecure played with my emotions like that.  I have so many questions, but I’m saving them for the podcast.