Don’t get me wrong.  I love this overpopulated, smelly, concrete jungle, but there are some days where I’m just like ok I’ve made a horrible decision coming here, get me back to Georgia ASAP!  Here are some awkward situations one might find themselves in that will make them rethink their entire move.

  1. You are lucky enough to find a seat on a crowded train, but a man comes and stands in front of you to hold on to the rail above your head, which puts his pelvis right at your eye level.  Aside from the discomfort of being shoved into a tin can with dozens of strangers, and a multitude of smells, his crotch is the only thing in eye shot for you to look at, so you put your head down….which makes the scene look even more odd.
  2. Again, you’re on a crowded train, only this time there’s no seat, so you’re standing there holding on to a germ infested pole in the middle of the cart.  Someone’s bag is molesting your butt, and the person standing in front of you yawns directly in your face.  You have now been accosted by an unholy combination of coffee, cigarettes, and whatever that person had on their bagel on the way to the train.
  3. It’s a Friday night.  The weather lends itself to a cute ensemble that doesn’t require three additional layers for warmth.  A pre game drinking session has taken place at your friend’s apartment, so you head out for a nice night on the town.  Hair is laid, eyebrows are snatched, and you are slaying the scene.  You get to the party which is swarming with eligible young black professionals, and not a single one will even maintain eye contact with you long enough for you to engage them in a conversation.  I mean not a single one.
  4. You have somehow become a circus act known as the Juggling Bag Lady.  You have your giant purse (which is really more of an inconveniently carried book bag) your lunch bag, and the bag of groceries you picked up from Whole Foods.  You get home, but have to somehow dig your keys out of the labyrinth that is the bottom of your purse, meanwhile your earbuds have gotten inevitably tangled, and God-forbid you put your bag on New York concrete.  You are now contorting your body and your bags so as to not drop anything, and to spectators you look completely insane.
  5. It’s late, it’s dark, and you live in Brooklyn.  You are walking as if there is a serial killer behind you, because you just binge watched The Following. There is a person ahead of you walking just as fast as you are, only because you actually are behind that person they fear that you are in fact the serial killer that you’re afraid of.  Your mind is blown I know.