Everyone is on a never ending quest to find themselves.  You may be comfortable at certain points in your life with who and what you are, but we always find ourselves attempting reinvent ourselves.  This has become so much more apparent to me with people my age.  I scroll through my Twitter feed and I see the “fake deep” contrarians who think they have everything figured out, and post tweets as if they’ve stumbled upon some great social revelation.  I see the girl that has clearly been hurt too many times before, so much so that she has now begun to identify with the men that wronged her and is “going back to the old her.”  Then there are the woman haters.  The men that start most of their social media posts with phrases like: “a lot of y’all women need to (insert pretentious chauvinistic typical phrase here).”  They’ve been hurt once or twice by a few chicks that were trying to find themselves too, and by their reasoning all women are horrible creatures that are a curse upon the earth.

At any rate, the commonality amongst people trying to find themselves or figure life out is that there’s a lot of collateral damage incurred along the way.  As you try to mold yourself into who and what you want to be you come to discover that some people don’t fit into that ideal.  You outgrow some people, and some become disposable.  I realized that I, like many of my friends have fallen victim to this.  It’s ok to want to grow and evolve, and discover the best you that you can be, but keep in mind the people you hurt on that journey.  Some of us would prefer to be left off of that ride.  Just a thought.

Italian shoe designer Giuseppe Zanotti is celebrating 20 years in the business with 4 capsule collections to be released during the year.  Today pictures from the first collection titled “Jewel” were released on Instagram.  The first collection is in honor of the jewels that are a staple in the designer’s shoes, and each jewel has significance to his life.  For example the “Skorpio” shoe is for his father’s zodiac sign, and the “Fishbone” shoe which is one of his first designs, is in remembrance of his time living on the beach and walking over fish bones in the sand during the winter.  The limited edition Jewel collection consists of six bold gold pairs of flat sandals and will be sold beginning in June.

Skorpio Sandal by Giuseppe Zanotti

I am officially a graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology, and it really hasn’t quite sunk in yet.  I can’t believe that I don’t have a million and one things to worry about right now.  I have accepted a position as a freelance writer for Style Blazer so look out for my articles on there.  Of course I will still be updating Not Carrie Bradshaw, now even more than before.  Since I no longer have to worry about school and interning, I can devote more time to writing and developing my craft.

Me on graduation day wearing BCBG under my gown.

I feel like I’ve come through one phase of my journey successfully, and now the sky truly is the limit.  I always thought that phrase to be overs used, but I genuinely feel that way.  There were so many obstacles that presented themselves to make this seem like an impossible feat, and I can’t believe that it’s done.  The confidence that comes from achieving something through adversity is like no other.  I don’t think that graduating Magna Cum Laude would have as much significance if it weren’t for the personal and financial obstacles.  I feel like I can do anything at this point in my life, and I don’t expect for any of it to be easy.  I once shied away from what was difficult, thinking that if it were for me it would be easier to achieve.  I now see the error in that way of thinking.  I welcome challenges now, because they make victory that much sweeter.

Sunday was a beautiful day in New York.  I decided that I should enjoy it by going for a run in Central Park.  I jogged around the reservoir whilst avoiding running into tourists taking selfies, although I’m sure there is a very nice Asian family with a blur of a black chick running through their family photo somewhere out there.  Anyway though, I remembered there being this really pretty angel statue at the foot of a huge set of stairs, so I ventured off to find it.  I think that stairs are the perfect workout.  I’m no fitness instructor, but I feel like you get cardio and a butt lift all in one, so I try to force myself to run stairs whenever I can.

As I’m walking I see about four or five different brides taking pictures in their white gowns.  Initially I was thinking “oh how nice for them,” and then I started thinking “ok it’s time for me to go.”  I’m just way too single to be in the midst of all that without feeling a way.  So I find the statue and the stairs, but they are full of spectators looking at street performers.  Clearly the second part of my workout is not going to happen so I go down to at least get a picture of the angel statue so this walk wasn’t a complete waste of time.  I have my earphones in blasting some sort of ratchet southern music so I can’t hear much of anything, but I somehow hear someone say “excuse me.” I turn around and there is a guy getting one knee to propose to his girlfriend and I was all in the way.  Embarrassed, I apologized and scooted out of the way as a homeless man laughed a toothless laugh at me while he put his feet in the fountain.  I concluded my work out for the day and went home, but anyway here’s a picture of what I now know to be called the Bethesda Fountain and some other random Central Park observations.

It seems so lame and cliche, but on rainy days when I don’t have any reason to leave the house, I start to feel really introspective.  Maybe it’s the still of my room as I lay there and listen to the rain like I’m in a Boyz to Men video, but something about the mood of the day just lends itself to deep thought.

Today, instead of giving in to thoughts of fear and anxiety about the future I thought about the importance of challenges.  In my 26 years I think I’ve finally learned to accept them, and welcome them as they usually lead to a better me.  I can’t wait to see what’s on the other side of today’s challenges.  Anyway I have a semi interview tomorrow so I should probably go to bed after I add some fashion news.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated the site, but I have spent the past couple of weeks wrapping up my internship at Oscar de la Renta, completing term projects, studying for finals, and job hunting.  All of this in preparation for graduation next Thursday (insert series of excited emojis here).  I have accepted a freelance writing position with a major fashion blog, details on that coming when everything is finalized; however, I still need to find full time work, which is a job in and of itself.  I’m doing everything I can to stay positive about the job hunt, but it’s so terrifying to think that after all of my sacrificing and hard work, I’ll have to go back home to Atlanta.  I’m definitely making strides towards my media career, but the things I’m doing aren’t generating revenue yet.  Let’s be real here you can’t eat, pay bills, and keep a roof over your head using hopes, dreams, and aspirations as currency.  So send up a prayer or two for me that a sustainable source of income comes along so that I can stay in New York!

It can be so discouraging to stay on your journey when you’re faced with money problems.  I feel like everything right now comes down to money, and it’s like a dark cloud looming over my head not knowing where my next check is coming from.  It seems like unless you cross over into the 1% those problems are always there.  As you accumulate more money, you buy more things, and have more financial obligations.  While my friends are literally buying houses, Beamers, and Benzes I’m trying to figure out how to catch upon my bills, pay my rent, and eat.  My financial future looks so bleak right now, but I won’t be discouraged.  I know there are other people that may came along after me that will need to know that I endured this part of my journey so that they will have the motivation to do so as well.  There are so many things that I need to take care of and I have no idea how I’m going to do it, but I’m trusting that God will make a way for me.  After all sometimes your struggles are not for you, but rather for you to be an example to someone else that needs to see how you overcame it.

Looking forward to graduation, seeing my family and friends, and an epic summer ahead of me.  By the way the pictures are from a photo shoot that I did for my final project in my fashion journalism class.  The idea was to show three different ways to wear a denim button down shirt.  Hope you like.

The past couple of weeks at my internship have been really tough, which is what I expected when I signed on to be an intern for one of the biggest American fashion designers.  When I told my friends and family that I would be interning with Osar de la Renta they immediately started with “The Devil Wears Prada” references, but I was so determined not to be a cliche of the fashion intern.  I told myself before starting that no matter what I won’t allow anyone to get to me, and that it can’t possibly be that hard.  Fast forward to my last couple of weeks there and I can honestly say that the biggest challenge for me has been on a personal not intellectual level.

Nothing that I have been asked to do as a fashion intern has been intellectually challenging.  Sure there were some Excel spreadsheets that I had to consult with Google about, but the challenges that proposed the greatest opportunity for change were those of a personal nature.  For a girl that has struggled with confidence issues for most of her life, going into a situation where emotions and egos run high would seem like a mental death sentence, but I looked at as an opportunity for growth in this area of my life.  It is when we are at our lowest point that we are open to our greatest change.  I learned that from Avatar the Last Airbender, one of my favorite cartoons, you should check it out, but I digress.

These past couple of weeks I have been yelled at, embarrassed, overlooked, and treated like an overall  nuisance just for being around. My boss who initially treated me like a mentee all of a sudden couldn’t remember my name and refused to speak to me or even acknowledge my compliments on her work.  Initially this marginalization made me feel inferior, until I remembered how important it is to have a strong sense of self in all situations.  It’s so easy to fall into a place where you are allowing others to define you based on what’s going on in their lives.

We can only react to things and judge situations and people based on our experiences.  You cannot react beyond your own scope of knowledge, which is why self worth is so important.  A person may be treating you a certain way out of reaction to what’s going within them, and you can’t allow that to shake you.  It’s not your business what others think of you or why they think that, so long as you are secure in what YOU think of you.

Sense of self and security in one’s self was pretty much the overriding theme of my life for the month of April, so I’m happy to carry these lessons learned with me as I embark on this professional and personal journey to break into fashion media.  This industry is based on image, and emotions run high, so holding on to you is key.  Otherwise you’ll be lost trying to please a bunch of people that in the grand scheme of things are miscellaneous.

I’m Jessica.  I’m a 26 year old fashion writer from Atlanta, but I’ve made Brooklyn my home for now.  I am a graduating senior at The Fashion Institute of Technology, an intern for a top American designer, a solicitor of fashion tea, purveyor of brows and edges, and a true to heart southern belle.

I came to New York for the second time this January in hopes of breaking into the fashion media industry.  There have been many bumps along the way, and there are many more to come, and I want to share them with you.  I hope that in addition to reading fashion news you are inspired to pursue your goals as well.  Welcome and enjoy!

A few of the things I’m obsessed with right now

1. Monica Rose for Lovers and Friends-I’ve been obsessed with this collection since it was first released in early April.  It really captures her aesthetic, and is exactly what I was hoping designs by her would look like.
2. Sza-I have been listening to her music while writing for the past couple of months, but I love her hair.  The energy she gives through her music is so captivating.
3. Zendaya and Fausto Puglisi -Her style has been so on point this year, and his Fall/Winter and Spring/Summer collections are amazing.
4. Mangos-I could eat these everyday.  There is a fruit cart on the corner in my neighborhood, that has the best mangos for cheap.  I can veg out on Netflix, Nutella, and mangos all Sunday and be perfectly fine.
5. Stuart Weitzman Nudist Sandal-I’m very into single soled shoes this season, and this is the perfect one for summer.  Their versatility make them worth the price.
6. Gold Grills-As a real Atlien I’ve always wanted 6 gold teeth at the bottom, but never got around to it.  I love that they are so mainstream these days through fashion.  Joan Smalls has the cutest one in the “Yonce” video.
7. 30 Rock-I’m always looking for new shows to binge on, on Netflix and this is my latest one.  Liz Lemon is everything!

In the words of Bob Dylan, the times they are a changing.  Long gone are the days where you go to college, get a good job, work there for forty years, retire, and put your kids through college to do the same. For much of the generation of college students that graduated during the economic recession entrepreneurship became the natural course of action where paying entry level jobs were a myth, and many were still living at home incapable of living on their own.  My personal Instagram is filled with young black people who have started their own businesses in the form of social media marketing, premium hair weave, event planning and promotion, and especially t-shirt lines.

I’m all for entrepreneurship, especially in the black community, but I wonder why the owners of t-shirt companies label themselves fashion designers.  I would call them more of a graphic designer, with the fashion designer being the person that designed the actual t-shirt the image is printed on.  There is no shade here, but mostly I want to know why they don’t aim higher.  Why don’t they aim to create more than just the image that goes on a Fruit of the Loom t- shirt?

Maybe Kanye West was on to something when he went on his rant about how African Americans limit themselves in fashion to making t-shirts and that things won’t change until someone comes in and shakes things up.  I’m still not on board with his method of delivery or the means by which he chooses to gain that equality, but his message was on point.

My message to you is that you are capable of more.  You had the wherewithal to start a brand, a company, a label, so don’t stop there. Venture to create more.  Push the creative boundaries of your mind to develop more than a t-shirt concept.  Push for your name to be on the inside tag of your shirt.  Don’t just stop at what’s familiar and comfortable.  In order to be successful you have to get uncomfortable with being comfortable.  Nothing worth having was ever achieved easily.  So how hard are you willing to work to have more?  If you’ve already invested time and money into graphic design, why not go another step further, and then another step, and another?

I challenge you to take your brand, yourself, and your business further.  You are capable.