We always get so introspective this time of year.  There’s something about a fresh start that makes us feel motivated to go after what we want and improve our lives.  One factor that we often overlook is the role that being around friends and family during the Holidays plays.  That energy gives you energy, and when life returns to normal that motivation somewhat fades, and we fall back into old habits.  Determined not to do so, I took a long hard look at myself and thought about what I really need to do to see things come to fruition this year.  After much deliberation within my own head I concluded that I have to find balance.  It seems to me that we can find a place of internal peace and happiness if we can strike a good balance between the conflicting aspects of our lives.

I had the pleasure of witnessing life unfold for some of the people I love the most this Holiday season.  My niece was born, my best friend got engaged, and I got a real adult job to name a few.  Looking at these life changing events, combined with the looming approach of the new year made me realize that I want someone in my life now. I have shied away from it, because for the past couple of years the few people I have loved haven’t really loved me back the way I wanted them to.  I honestly still feel drained from the thought of going through unrequited love and admiration again.

It’s a hard pill to swallow when the person you want so bad simply does not feel the same way.  You try not to internalize it, but truthfully it hurts more than we want to admit to ourselves or our friends.  The fear of enduring that again is paralyzing to an extent.  These thoughts lead me to deduce that I have to find balance in order to allow someone in, because I’m such an extremist in love.  After a few years you realize that everyone’s intentions are not as pure as yours and you don’t have the freedom to love everyone the way you want to without being bruised as well. But I think that if I can find a balance between being open to the possibility of someone new and not giving my all too soon, that I should be fine.  I’m literally terrified to do this, but no risk no reward, right?