We all love Insecure.  The brilliance of the show lies in its simplicity and relate-ability.  There are no calculating, masterminds with exorbitant wealth, and “loose morals.”  It’s just some young Black people trying to figure shit out.  For that reason, Insecure inspires diverse conversations.  I can always count on having A1 convos about dating, work, Black culture, etc.  Following Sunday’s episode, a friend text me and asked, “WHERE ARE THE CONDOMS?!”  Good.  Freaking.  Question.  We have yet to see any hint of protection during any of the sex scenes on the show.  Even with the anonymous neighbor whom I don’t ever recall seeing before.  This morning I woke up to a text from another friend with the link to an article over at Very Smart Brothas asking the same damn question!

I watch a lot of television, and I’m no cinephile, but I’ve seen my fair share of movies, and I must say on screen sex has always been weird to me.  It has always looked insanely unrealistic, and, dare I say it, nasty.  Here are some things I just don’t get.

What’s up with how people kiss on screen?  What the shit is that?  It more so looks like the two people’s noses are thumb wrestling.

Photo: Universal Pictures

Does no one shower after sex?  I was so annoyed with the post coital scene from Dear White People wherein Samantha got up from having sex with Gabe, put on her clothes and just went out into the world.  Is this a thing people are doing?  Are people really having sex, and then just going outside among us sans shower?  You’re not even gonna take a ho bath?  (A ho bath is a quick wash up at the sink where you just hit the key areas.  It’s like a refresher.  This is used only in a time crunch, and only when no real rigorous activities were done prior to.  For example, do not take a ho bath after the gym.  A ho bath is okay after a non-active work day, before going out for drinks.  We fully expect you to wash your ass after drinks though.  Especially if you’re planning to have sex.)

Photo: Giphy

Again, where are the condoms?  Let’s get real here.  We know most people aren’t wearing condoms every single time with every single person (all the more reason to use condoms).  But condoms aren’t even hinted at in a lot of shows.  Interesting that protected sex is rarely present on screen, yet everyone is quick to vilify people with STD’s/STI’s.

Photo: abc

The morning make out sessions.  I seriously want to know who the hell wakes up with kiss-worthy breath?  If so, how does one do it?  On screen, people are legit waking up and just fully swallowing each other’s faces whole, and I am always so distracted by this fraudulent display of AM affection.

Photo: VH1

Sometimes the scenes are eerily real and I feel I’ve been tricked into watching porn.  No one can ever convince me that Halle Berry wasn’t actually having sex with Billy Bob Thornton in Monster’s Ball.  Or like Future and Blac Chyna in the video for “Rich Sex.”  Can we find a happy medium please?

Photo: Epic/Sony Records