A few things I’m thinking about today:

Why are the white women in my office always tired?  Literally the second thing they say to me every day is, “I’m so tired.”  If it’s around 3 PM, sure, we all hit that slump around then.  But it is 10 AM.  You’ve done nothing.  We work in an office, wherein we sit and surf the internet most of the time, and have an unlimited supply of caffeine.  What are you tired from? For fucks sake get an adequate amount of sleep and leave me alone.

What does it mean when white dudes wink at you?  It never really comes off as sexual or anything like that.  I postulate that it is their way of saying, “Hey small black girl, you’re safe here, okay?”

Someone tell Steve Harvey to stop.  Please.

We have been told our entire lives that marriage is an unrelenting struggle.  We all accept it as a fact of life that marriage is hard.  So why exactly is anyone getting married?  Why are we signing up to knowingly struggle?  Is the best case scenario that anyone can hope for is that marriage will be terrible, but you’ll both be so defeated by life that you stay in it anyway “for the kids?”  Why are we so pressed to get marriage if it’s so hard?

What are the necessary steps to qualify Rupi Kaurand and Warsan Shire for sainthood?

I no longer trust men who are grossed out by periods.  For the love of God, my body is expelling eggs and my actual insides.  I am in pain for a whole ass week out of the month so you don’t have a child you can’t take care of.  If anything you should build a monthly goddam shrine to my period you peasant.

I am caught in a weird space wherein I want Michelle and Barack Obama to live out their days being carefree, and unbothered.  Yet, I also want them to come back and save us all from ourselves.  We never deserved that family.  I am now weeping in a corner.

I am prepared to say that More Life is Drake’s best work to date.

I sometimes randomly worry about Kanye West as if he is a part of my family who has been missing for years.

If it was only a three hour tour, why’d they have so much stuff with them?  I have been wondering this about Gilligan’s Island for years.

Amber Rose has the best teeth of anyone I’ve ever seen.  She could literally be wearing nothing, and all I can ever focus on is how great her teeth are.

No one should wear Christian Louboutin’s So Kate’s.  They are a travesty, and I will never forgive him for creating a shoe so perfect that I cannot wear.  *Searches eBay for So Kate’s on consignment so I don’t have to feel bad about owning shoes I cannot wear.*

I think the only appropriate reparations for slavery and Jim Crow laws is for every African American person to live in this country for free.  We built this shit for free.  Can we chill yet?

I only became upset with my father after I realized how heavy a broken heart is to carry around.