Do you remember being a little kid in the ’90s and seeing a woman who was serving looks, and saying to yourself “I’m gonna dress like that when I grow up”?  I had many a fantasy about wearing a waterfall updo hairstyle and Nike tennis skirts, but one look that endured was the slip dress.  Two instances stamped this underwear as outerwear moment in my mind.  The first was Cher Horowitz in the 1995 American treasure that is Clueless.  I don’t even trust people who were not inspired by the looks in that movie.  The second was Lil’ Kim in the 1996 music video for “I Can Love You.”  Then, my queen, Rihanna brought it back in vogue at 2012’s GQ Men of the Year party and honestly, she’s been killing the slip dress ever since.  Can we take a moment for her Fenty pop up look in New York this June?  Come on!

Photo: Instagram

Let me preface this by reminding you that I am not a planner.  This isn’t necessarily a good thing given that proper adulting requires some manner of planning but it gives me wicked anxiety.  It is entirely possible that my anxiety could be quelled if I planned ahead more, but that’s another conversation for another post.  At any rate, I approached my trip to Paris with more of a laissez-faire attitude and left the planning to my best friend.  While I also received a lot of input from people who visit Paris regularly and/or who are from there, there were a few things I absolutely needed to do and some things that quite frankly I didn’t care much about.  So this isn’t an official guide to Paris.  It’s merely a recap of what I did and what I loved about this life-changing travel experience. There are videos of some of the places mentioned below over on my Instagram if you’re interested.

I am back stateside after an amazing 4 days in Paris celebrating my 32nd birthday.  If you’re new to this site or to me, you should know I am weird about celebrating my birthdays.  I don’t freak out over getting older, in fact, I look forward to getting older because the opposite of getting older is dying and I ain’t ready for that.  No, I just don’t like planning grand or even simple celebrations for my birthday because I don’t like being responsible for other people’s fun, and the few times I tried going all out for my birthday some involved parties left me….let’s say disappointed.  I was very randomly inspired to visit Paris for my birthday this year, and after my best friend agreed to plan everything, we pulled the trigger.  I’m breaking my Paris recaps into three separate pieces: What I Wore, What We Did, and Where We Stayed.  Here’s what (Andy Cohen voice):

My ample bosom was one of the great mysteries in my family, along with who my great-grandfather was before he settled down in the south, and why my grandmother leaves every possible light on in her house at all times. No one really knows where I got big breasts from genetically speaking, as none of the women in my immediate family are built this way. As best as I can tell I wished them big one Summer after being made fun of for being flat chested at camp, and I shit you not they grew, and just never stopped. I was a full C cup by 8th grade, and at age 31, standing 5’2, wearing a 36H, I finally decided to get a breast reduction.

Last week it was announced that the 2019 CFDA Fashion Icon of the Year will be Jennifer Lopez, and I can’t believe anyone is arguing over this.  Let’s back up a bit.  The CFDA is the Council of Fashion Designers of America.  It is the governing body of American fashion designers and every year they host an awards ceremony for the best in, you guessed it, American fashion.  One of the most coveted awards of the night is the Fashion Icon of the Year Award.  Past winners include Rihanna, Beyoncé, and Naomi Campbell to name a few. 

Okay friends, it’s almost that time.  Time for us to judge A-list celebrities for their wardrobe choices at an event most of us will never attend.  That’s right, it’s almost time for the Met Gala, which takes place May 6, 2019.  Every year on the first Monday in May, this grand event takes place in New York City and most of the people judging from their couches and cubicles have zero idea what the Met Gala even is.  So, here’s your crash course from a girl who hopes to one day be invited to cover the red carpet and then be seated next to Michael B. Jordan at a black designer’s table.

Guys I’ve been tired, tired.  Too tired to do much of anything “non-essential,” and feeling guilty, unworthy and uncertain because of that.  My first instinct was to hop on over to the land of self-loathing.  Have you been there?  I visit too often and it’s an expensive ass trip.  A bit of travel advice, don’t go there.  However, I opted for the more productive solution which was to talk to my therapist about it.  Her response in so many words was, “Bitch, you really are tired because your energy is leaking all over the place.”  Energy…leaks?   A concept.

If you can’t tell from my Instagram, I am on the mend from another heartbreak. I’m not ready to go into the particulars of what transpired between The Boy and me, but I want to tell you what made this the most productive heartbreak I’ve ever endured. I did a lot of things differently in this “relationship” to ensure that no matter what happened between us, I wouldn’t come undone and end up doing shower slides, crying into a towel whilst listening to Rihanna’s “Stay” for six months. Don’t judge me, we all have our process, okay?

This post is kind of long, so you’re welcome to skip ahead to the steps.

Photo: Kaptured by Kiesha

Hello, I have found the pants I’m going to live in for the rest of my life.  If I get married, I’m wearing them in my wedding. If you get married, I’m wearing them to your wedding.  If there’s a sudden apocalyptic event, I hope my remains are mummified in these pants and the descriptive card at the museum in the future reads “Get into these pants doe!”

“My therapist was saying,” is a phrase that just rolls off of my tongue nowadays.  It used to feel like taking a tampon out of your purse at the dinner table before excusing yourself to the restroom.  Everyone knows it’s a thing you may need at some point, but people don’t really want to know when or why you need it.  The response to my openness as a southern black woman who regularly sees a therapist was once met with rapid blinks of surprise, and sips from drinks as the person looked away.  However, as of late people in my circle are more interested in my experience seeing a therapist, because they want to see one themselves, but don’t know what to expect.