Once again it is Spring time in New York circa 2013. We endure these hellish winters to get to these amazing warm months, and trust me it is worth it. I am on vacation in Harlem from my line sister who I love dearly, but who was driving me insane.
It was a Thursday and Scandal was coming on that night. I rushed out of my last class to get to Harlem in time to stop at Jacob’s. When I discovered this restaurant a single tear fell from my left eye. They had oxtails buffet style. Gasp! The joy. I can’t even explain it to you. I got my food and happily trailed down the street ready for Olivia Pope to give me life. Now my dear friend from Georgia Southern whose place I was staying at obviously had roommates. One of them was a singer/actor/dancer blah blah blah. Very nice girl from what I could tell. I genuinely have no recollection of what this girl’s name is. Like I cannot even tell you what her name starts with. However, there are two things I will always remember about this girl for as long as I live.
- She woke me up one morning singing old gospel music to the top of her lungs.
- I know what she sounds like when she’s having sex. I haven’t a clue what her name is or what it starts with, but I know this very intimate detail about her because it is New York and the walls are thin.
Here I am camped out in front of their television with my oxtails and I am ready for Scandal. There is a knock at the door, and roommate girl gingerly walks out to answer it. Let me pause here. Oxtails, peel and eat shrimp, neck bones, and crab legs are not things that you want to be seen eating by people other than your very close friends and family. So I look up from my food kind of annoyed. In walks this very attractive guy. Roommate girl introduces him, and I say hi blushing and embarrassed. They go into her room and close the door. Fine. This is perfectly normal. After about 30 minutes Scandal is getting good. You know that Scandal is getting good when Cyrus has an emotional meltdown, Olivia has gotten read by at least two other characters and she has done that intense lip tremble. I am on the edge of my seat when all of a sudden I hear roommate girl and sexy getting it in. When I say I heard everything, I mean I heard everything. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and just die. I cannot ever recall being that uncomfortable.
I lose complete focus on the show and want to just run out of the apartment, because if they had come out of that room I was going to spontaneously combust from sheer embarrassment. Like I know that you know that I heard EVERYTHING you just did. Why didn’t you just leave the room and go to your friend’s room you ask? Because Scandal is the shit that’s why and I didn’t want to miss the conclusion and she didn’t have a television in her room. Don’t you dare judge me!
Somehow I went to sleep traumatized that night and lo and behold she woke me up the next morning singing gospel music to the top of her lungs.