The pressure is really on. Time is flying by and the job hunt is moving at a glacial pace. My fear is waking up and it’s May 22nd (the day of my commencement) and I still haven’t secured a position for after graduation. I have midterms coming up, the internship isn’t going as smoothly as it started, and I’m in full on financial survival mode (I’m waiting with bated breath for income tax check).
I made a commitment to myself to stay positive throughout all of this. When God blessed me with the money that I needed to come back to school I knew that there would be hard days. I knew that I was taking on a lot as a full time student, an intern, and a blogger. Working to help someone else pursue their goals while also working towards your own is exhausting, but I don’t feel like I have the right to complain. I always feel guilty when I get home and vent to my friends about the day’s struggles. This is what I prayed for so vehemently, so I don’t feel like it’s fair for me to take a swan dive into my emotions on the days when it gets rough, and I feel unsure.
I guess today I’m just feeling a little afraid. There are so many people rooting for me and supporting me and saying how proud they are of me and I’m afraid to let those people down. I’m afraid of letting myself down. I want so badly to succeed and to fulfill the vision I have for my life, especially when the people closest to me are doing so well. They’re in their careers and making money and buying houses and cars, and I’m just trying to figure it all out. When you choose the road less traveled the paths aren’t as defined, and it gets scary along the way. Sometimes you get lost and you and you look for guidance where there isn’t any; hence, I’m looking forward to this event on the 29th honoring black women in media. I’m sure it will be a good opportunity to see women that look like me and how they’ve achieved success in media, and of course I’m always here for a good networking opportunity.
Anyway, tomorrow’s anew and I’m determined to maintain my inner peace no matter what’s going on around me. God has a plan for me and for my life and it will be fulfilled. Can’t devote too much time to the negative.