I have written more bios, and About Me’s, and done more pitches about Not Carrie Bradshaw than I can count. My trusted team of advisers admonished me to do a video to give people a visual with a more in depth explanation of who I am, and what this site is really about. After all if Beyoncé has taught us nothing, it’s that people love a visual. Watch below!
Let’s talk white pants. Some people still live by the “fashion rule” that you don’t wear white after Labor Day, or before Easter. I do not submit to such restrictions, because the first rule of fashion (as far as I’m concerned) is that there are no rules. With that being said, I like a good white pant all year long, but they are mostly a warm weather staple. The trouble with white pants is that they tend to be translucent, especially if the fabric is thin. This is especially the case for white linen pants (another warm weather staple). Some women like to solve this problem by risking it all and going commando, some people wear a thong, and some people just disrespect the hell out of all of us and wear a full on black or nude brief. So every spring/summer, at every all-white party, it looks like trashier version of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Newsflash boo boo, we can all see your underwear. I’m not sure if people know and don’t care, or are somehow oblivious to the many stares they’re receiving. Don’t be that person showing up to your family reunion, upsetting the aunties with your underwear showing. There has to be a better way (infomercial voice)!
Have you noticed that it is equally as difficult to find boyfriend jeans that fit as it is to find an actual boyfriend that fits? I can’t tell if the irony there is beautiful or tragic. If for some reason you are not familiar with the concept, boyfriend jeans are so named, because they should fit like the jeans you might borrow from your boyfriend: loose, relaxed fit, a little distressed, cuffed at the bottom. I first became obsessed with them via Kim Kardashian B.K. (before Kanye). I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how she found jeans with the right fit given the size of her butt. Well it’s because her thighs are not as big as her butt (no tea no shade).
When you have a big butt, and big thighs, a man’s jeans won’t really fit you the way boyfriend jeans theoretically should. Hell, even if you are a man with a big butt and big thighs a lot of men’s pants won’t fit you. I learned this one day when I was working at Ted Baker in the men’s suiting department, and a fine ass white dude who was a former football player couldn’t fit our pants. Apparently it’s a problem for a lot of guys with that kind of athletic build. Who knew dudes had those kinds of problems? But enough about them, we have our own problems. Am I right ladies?
Anyway. I set out on a year’s long journey to find actual boyfriend jeans that fit. I cannot tell you how many pairs I tried on that just made me look insane. They were huge in the waist, super fitted in the butt and thighs, and way too long to be cuffed. This was one of the great tragedies of my life. Excuse me as I weep. Well, I am happy to say I finally found a pair at Uniqlo. If you’re curvy, you’re going to have to accept that you’ll need to get these altered in the waist. There’s no way they can have the loose fit you want without also creating a huge gap in the waist. I; however, didn’t have time to get the waist taken in on these, so I paired them with this slouchy over-sized sweater to hide the gap. I do not recommend wearing flats with these as you’ll need the extra height to not look frumpy. I’ve seen it done with sneakers, but it’s not really a favorite look of mine. Because they’re relaxed and loose, I like to femme the look up with a heel.
- Boyfriend jeans are a part of the plot to bring down thick women whose boyfriend’s jeans would never fit her. Fight back by finding a pair that work.
- A pair that will fit the way you want them to will require them to be huge in the waist, and you can get the waist taken in by a tailor. Do not roll your eyes at me, and stop being lazy.
- Uniqlo is a great starting point, and if you order them online, go a size up.
- Heels are ideal for a balanced look.
Given the state of social unrest in our country, it is only fitting that I wore a Mod look reminiscent of British-bred 60’s counter culture. If you have no idea what I’m talking about think Twiggy and Mary Quant. While some were embracing the refined style of then First Lady Jackie Onassis, across the pond suburban teens were wearing mini skirts, shift dresses and cropped hair. Hence why many refer to Mod and hippie clothing of the 60’s as sub culture or counter culture fashion. I have always loved Mod 60’s fashion, especially when it made a resurgence in the 90’s via Cher Horowitz and the Olsen twins. As an adult; however, I didn’t really think I could pull off a shift dress look. Shift dresses have no defined waist, and given my unrelenting fear of looking pregnant, I try to stay away from them. Even if I choose to indulge in a dress that has no waist, I belt it to create one. I said all of that to say, this was my definition of taking a fashion risk, and it was okay. I’m still not confident I don’t look like I need to stop by Planned Parenthood, but hey I tried. And for under $20 (Zara end of season sale comes through once again) what’s the worst that could happen?
I am obsessed with layering. This is partly out of necessity, because I have a 9 to 5 job in a very conservative corporate environment, in addition to my 5 to 9 job in media. This means I am likely running to cover an event right after work, and I need to be able to go from conservative Jessica to Not Carrie Bradshaw Jessica quickly (although the two are not vastly different). Adding or taking away a layer helps me to avoid carrying a large suitcase around the crowded streets of New York to do a Diana Ross level wardrobe change.
One of my many duties as the resident fashion girl in the life of my friends is to advise my guy friends on gifts for their boo’s. This past Christmas my dear friend picked out an amazing pair of booties for his girlfriend that were pre-season (AKA hella expensive). He wanted to get her a bag as well, but since he spent so much on the shoes, he didn’t think he could find one worth having for under a stack (that’s $1,000 for the aunties out there). That’s where I come in. When you think of good handbags your mind automatically goes to the designers whose brands are synonymous with leather goods (or the ones you’ve heard a hundred times in various rap songs): Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Céline, Prada, Fendi etc. God knows you girls love your Neverfull’s but there’s so much more to handbags than the names you hear most often.
Don’t get me wrong, I think some of those bags are great aspirational pieces, but you don’t have to go out and spend your whole tax refund check to have a nice handbag. Let’s be real. My most sincere hope is that you guys will use those refunds wisely, but also treat yourself to a little something. Let’s review a few designers that have great options for under $1,000.
My name is Jessica, I am 29 years old, and I did not own lingerie or actual pajamas. A few weeks ago a friend told me with extreme judgement and a dash of disappointment that this makes me weird. Before you join said friend in judgment, hear me out. I don’t know if you’ve gathered as much from my site, but I don’t get enough action to have need of lingerie. My phone gets less play than a Tyga album, so who the hell am I wearing it for?! Also, my bra size is rather uncommon, so even the most basic of bras cost a ridiculous amount of money. So you see why I am not sold on the idea of buying bras for leisure, which would cost even more (we’re talking triple digits boo). Lastly, what are all of my random t-shirts collected over the years for if not for me to lounge around and sleep in them?
So I asked some single female friends who also get little to no action what their lingerie collection is looking like, and they too judged me. I also asked some friends who are married, or are soon to be married, and we all agreed a grown ass woman should have what I am calling a “private wardrobe.” As of late, I’ve been adding to this wardrobe, so let me give you some tips on how and where to start.
You know how you watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, or Basketball Wives LA (don’t sit here and act like you don’t, I know you) and the actors are wearing bodycon dresses, Fashion Nova sets, and Ru Paul level makeup contouring at 10 AM? I hate that shit. It begs the question, why? I will admit that it has always been easier for me to dress up than to dress down. Maybe it’s my southern upbringing, or my shady ass grandmother, but I do not like to leave the house without looking put together; however, it’s beyond unnecessary to look like an Instagram model at all times. I personally do not enjoy looking like I’m trying to catch the attention of a local rapper, or reality star, but if that’s your thing then you wear that smokey eye and red lip at noon sis, but this post probably isn’t for you. If that’s not you, then follow me. There is a such thing as an effortless slay. It’s the happy medium betwixt dressy and casual, whereby you look polished but not pressed, and I promise it’s really easy.
“Across cultures darker people suffer more. Why?” Remember when Andre 300 wore a jumpsuit baring those words during his Lollapalooza set in 2014, and everyone went crazy? Everyone except those of us who have been paying attention to life, because we knew that. The normalization of fairer skin is so pervasive that darker women of color can’t even buy the correct underwear. That’s right. Underwear. Every woman should have nude colored things in her wardrobe: nude pumps, nude bras, nude underwear, and nude body shapers. Say you want to wear a white shirt, or a very trendy sheer skirt. Yet, the color nude never seems to be nude for us. It’s most often a beige, with undertones that aren’t a match for those of us with more melanin. We quite often experience this lack of color when looking for makeup as well. I don’t even bother to try foundation from newer brands, because it takes them a while to figure out how to get our skin tones right. You’re out here trying to give your best beat, yet you actually look like a Gross sister.
But I digress. That’s another rant for another day.
Fortunately, some companies have taken notice of the fact that all nude underwear is not equal. Click through the gallery for some companies that have nude undergarments for all shades.
As much as I love a good party, I find my office Holiday party to be so stressful. I have a strict rule about not drinking with co-workers, because some white people tend to get way too damn comfortable at social functions when they’ve been drinking. All of a sudden they start sounding a little…Trumpy, and want to know how your hair feels. So then I feel compelled to drink from the top shelf open bar, because how else am I supposed to get through that? Hence, I focus my energy on deciding what to wear, and just hoping for best with everything else.
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