From the time that you snap into the consciousness that you are a girl, by virtue of your genitals alone, you are immediately taught to hide them.  We are taught that it’s not “ladylike” to ever have your legs open at any time for any reason whatsoever until you are married. You’re basically expected to walk around with a nickel between your knees from age five until the few times you have mediocre sex with your husband to produce however many children you have.  Which is obviously some bull shit. Now I have no issue with some level of modesty. I do; however, have an issue with the fact that boys are not taught at the same age that they are not entitled to what we were hiding. The sole responsibility for protecting the thing we are told to cherish the most in the world rests solely on us.  For example, I always found it troubling that we had to wear prayer cloths over our laps in the church to discourage men from looking up our skirts, yet they had to do nothing in the way of just not looking up our skirts. My point is we’ve been taught a certain level of shame about our biology since we became aware that we were girls, so when it comes time to do things like visiting the gynecologist, we never, ever, ever scoot down far enough in the exam chair.  But the mother of all vaginal intimacy, for which no one can prepare you, is getting waxed, and I find that process fucking fascinating.

I don’t know this woman.  Let’s start there. I have one friend who has gone to the same waxing lady for the past fifteen years.  That woman was invited to her wedding. They exchange Christmas gifts. I, on the other hand, go wherever there’s a Groupon at a reputable salon that’s been well reviewed.  For this reason, I cannot tell you how many women have looked my vag in the eye. I couldn’t even pick them out of a lineup if my life depended on it. Should I commit to one waxer?

I don’t care what any blog, magazine, friend tells you, waxing is painful af and nothing that you do will ever make it not painful.  Anyone who tells you it’s not painful cannot be trusted and you probably shouldn’t talk to them anymore for telling you that lie.

Is waxing anti-feminist?  Hell no. There are some women who don’t wax or shave anything as a means to combat the patriarchal belief that we should all be in a state of pre-pubescence, and thusly hairless.  I just personally enjoy the look and feel and maintain my hairlessness throughout the year whether I’m dating someone or not. Have you ever gotten into your bed with freshly washed and dried sheets, and freshly shaved legs?  It is an experience. I think that doing or not doing something in the name of patriarchy still means that you’re being controlled by it. So I say, do what you want to do with your body. Being hairy is just not what I need to do to reclaim my body.

Why does she always step out of the room for you to get undressed from the waist down?  Is her presence during the undressing process somehow more intimate than her putting her whole face in your crotch and ripping the hair out from the root?  I think this is a desperate attempt to make you feel comfortable somehow, but let’s cut the shit. It’s painful and uncomfortable and awkwardly intimate, so why?

Which brings me to my next point.  Why do I hide my underwear? I scramble to hide them in the crease of my folded pants because God forbid she should see my underwear.  I even do this at the gynecologist’s office. What is the point? There will be a speculum and fingers inserted into you regardless, so why even?

Waxing is weird and painful, and awkward, and expensive, and intimate, but dammit I love the results, so I’m gonna keep doing it.