There are so many opinions coming from so many different places about how women should handle being single.  A number of them seem to come from guys.  This past week my single friends and I read an article posted on Black Girls Are Easy.  We all read it feeling like the author was shading us directly.  Although much of what was written were things that most of us have discovered through failed attempts at relationships, there was still an element of undiscovered truth to his prose.  However, the pseudo feminist in me doesn’t like the idea of a man telling me what I feel or how I should feel, but all that aside there were valid points made.  If you have about thirty minutes to an hour to spare reading the article and then reflecting on your existence in the realm of the single, then I would advise you do it.

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My takeaways and overall stance on being single are as follows:

  • If you genuinely want to be in a relationship, then don’t lie to yourself about it.  Admit that’s what you want whether you fear the guy doesn’t want the same or not.  You can only pretend to be cool for so long before your real desires come through in the form of a long drunken drawn out text that’s going to turn him off and scare him away anyway.
  • You cannot materialize the man you want out of thin air so if he has not revealed himself to you yet, then don’t fret.  There are far worse things to be than single, like say edgeless for example.  Take this time to focus on you.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t abandon yourself when the guy does comes along.
  • Don’t let anyone make you feel like there’s something wrong with  you because you’re single.  In the past week I have been accused of being crazy, having bad sex, and being too picky as reasons why I’m single…by two different guys.
  • Reflect on yourself and evaluate what your personal insecurities are that may be the cause of failed relationships and situations in the past.  Be secure enough with yourself not to allow anyone to manipulate your feelings.