Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your dreams? Not the dreams you have during your sleep that freak you out when all of your teeth fall out, but your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I wake up a lot of nights feeling overwhelmed by how big my dreams are, because it is so hard for me to fathom that they can come true. And I have this fear that if they don’t I will be in a constant state of never ending restlessness. I wake up out of my sleep in the wee hours of the morning hungry to make the right move to get me one step closer. The worse is scrolling through Instagram looking for inspiration and seeing so many people living the life I want to live for myself. Not that I want anyone else’s life. I just have this burning desire to make mine so much greater than what it is now, and that desire sometimes consumes me.
We live in this age where people are always trying to motivate you to just follow your dreams. These quotes are everywhere you turn. “Go out and do it,” they say, completely unaware of how much it takes to do so. Dreams take money, and when you don’t come from a family that can fund them for you, it makes your road to success that much more bumpy. I welcome the bumps, don’t get me wrong. I want to be able to say that I made it without having anything just handed to me, but some days I yearn for a little bit of ease. When every dollar you get automatically belongs to someone else, it gets harder and harder to see your goals come to fruition. It’s like a dark cloud looming over your head.
I start a new job in a few days, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity, but all I can think is this still isn’t enough. When will I find that opportunity that will be? It seems so simple. All I want to do is talk and write about fashion and life with great people, and be impeccably dressed while doing so. I guess I shouldn’t trouble myself with how God is going to work things out for me. I can only trust that He will. This is just one of the many nights that I can’t sleep trying to figure out what my next move should be.